From Ashes
by livefastdietooyoung
Summary: Post X3 fic, Logan's troubles after 'the incident' How will he cope, and what do the ashes have in store for him?
1. Prologue

Logan awoke with a start, nightmares. The same nightmares that had been haunting him since that day. He could still hear her in his head, almost taunting him. He could indeed hear her, but she wasn't there and he couldn't save her; add another notch onto the tally of people he had failed. He groaned loudly and turned over, once again his sheets were ribbons, strewn every which way, falling to the ground as he moved amongst them. He slowly got up, deciding to leave before the hotel staff notices that he, first of all, gave them a fake name and I.D. and second, he has ruined their linens. Sighing he strode towards the bathroom and turned on the shower, he glanced back in the room towards the clock on the night stand. 5:34 AM, he had exactly half an hour to get out of here before they started preparing for the coming day, and would see him leave. His breathing hitched as he stepped into the boiling shower, it was the only way he felt even remotely clean these days, and that feeling did not last long. He didn't mind it though, feeling dirty, climbing through Canada's vast forests with all of his senses heightened. Indeed it did tire him out, but he hadn't felt this way since before the incident. Who was he kidding, this feeling didn't even begin to compare with how he'd felt before, the wonderful normalcy of his prior life, but it did keep his anger, and in turn, the beast at bay.

Turning off the shower, he stepped out, grabbed a towel and opened the bathroom door to allow the room's humidity to disperse into the bedroom area. After about two minutes of sitting down, wallowing in his guilt, he grabbed another towel and attempted to dry his hair, out here you couldn't keep your hair wet, it would freeze outside. Stepping up to the mirror he turned the taps to cold and splashed the water over his face, looking up at his tired face in the mirror he sighed and proceeded to dry the rest of himself before walking out to the bed. Pulling his jeans over his swollen and overworked legs he hopped towards the dresser and grabbed his shirt, _perhaps it would be wise to wash these in a river today._ With that last thought he jumped out the window onto the fire-escape ladder, which plunged towards the ground, clanging loudly as it reached the earth, Logan jumped off quickly and disappeared into the darkness of the nearby forestry.

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After he had run for a few hours, he decided to stop running and find something to eat. He snuck around the forest until he found a deer, he watched it intently, its beautiful form and grace. Catching it by surprise he landed on the animal full force, killing it with the force of his blow and the penetration wounds his claws had made in its chest. Gathering some sticks and branches that had fallen, he broke them into workable pieces, and began to attempt a fire, twisting the wood until it became hot and sparked. Watching the flames dance around his deer meat he sat and thought, which was a dangerous thing, considering he was unrelentingly furious with himself. Disgusted even, with the way he ran from place to place, using people, all in an effort to forget. _Forget what Logan? Life? You know you'll never forget it, and you can't run forever._ Logan sighed, "I know." Peeling the meat from the stick, he gratefully ate, finishing all of the meat that was to be had. He sat back and watched the flames, once again. _They need you; they are hurting just as bad. _"Damnit! You don't think I know that?" He threw his head back against a tree. "I'm just not ready." _When do you think you will be ready, when they're all dead? When you've finally succeeded in running from life?_ "Shut up!" Logan suddenly slumped and started to chuckle to himself. "Listen to me; talking to myself, maybe I'm a little insane." _Or scared._ Logan sat up. _You're scared of what they think of you, what if they hate you? What if someone else has died? What if they blame you?_ "What if they do blame me?" Logan sighed, he had never cared about these things before, but as much as he hated to admit it, the people at the academy were his family, they at least made an effort to include him in their activities, and after the incident, he had left immediately, no words, no explanation, not even a growl in their general direction, he just left. _Maybe its time you went back, just to see._ "I think I will go back, as I said, just to see."

_**A/N This was my first attempt at an X-Men fic, please let me know what ya think?**_


	2. Homeward Bound

Logan now stood in front of the Academy, contemplating. _It's the middle of the night, no one would notice if I left._ _Since when have I been one to think before acting?_ Sighing and continuing his pacing of the front yard area, he thought. _Well, if they don't want me back then I guess I'll just leave right? I mean what's the worst that could happen? Be asked to leave? I can deal with that._ After telling himself that he was entering the mansion, not because he thought it over, but because he had grown tired of pacing, and the lawn was beginning to show signs of stress, he strode towards the front door. Opening it quietly, he stepped into the threshold, breathing a sigh of confusing relief. _Looks just as I left it._ He noticed a light on in the kitchen, _someone must be awake._ At first he panicked, _there is no going back if you go in there._ He nodded to himself and began to walk towards the kitchen.

"Rogue? You know you're coming home mighty late young lady and…" Ororo stopped dead in her tracks and stared at Logan, mouth gaping. Logan was now frozen in place; he could neither move nor speak. "Whe… Wha… Where have you been?" She shot glare in his direction.

"Uh..." He gave a small, trying-to-be-confident-but-failing-horribly laugh, "Canada?" He offered.

"Canada? Canada? Is that all you have to say for yourself is that you were in Canada? What? We didn't deserve a call or some type of contact?" Logan looked at her and tried to contain his shock. "Do you know how hard it's been?" She continued, "How many times I've had to deal with problems and such all on my own?" She was almost crying now, "I had so much to deal with; it would have been nice to have someone to help…" Logan walked towards her and attempted to comfort her, but she pushed him away. "I have to deal with my anger first, I can't just accept that you're back and move on, this is going to be a hard one. You should probably get ready for a lot of anger from the students; they were very worried about you. Rogue actually tried to run away once to go and look for you…." Logan just stared, _they missed me?_ Ororo shook her head at his lack of action and words and left the room to go upstairs.

Logan decided it would probably be best to sleep on the couch that night. Lying down on the couch, he thought about what tomorrow would bring. _Well according to 'Ro, a lot of anger, _he sighed, _I kind of deserved it, it might have even been easier to deal with the pain with my 'family' anyways. _He had always been the one to be alone, the loner, who dealt with problems by himself and kept his distance in times of crisis, and here he was admitting that perhaps it would have been better, maybe a little easier if he had had some help with it, he shook his head, it was all too much to think about at that moment. Sighing and relaxing on the couch, he fell asleep.

He awoke the nest morning to find a body on his chest. It was Rogue; she must have gotten in late last night, for he hadn't actually fallen asleep until about 1 or 2 in the morning. She began to stir and open her eyes; she looked up and stared at him.

After staring at each other for about five or ten minutes Rogue broke the silence.

"Where were you?" She asked quietly, sitting up. He grimaced, the last time he answered that question he had gotten in a little bit of trouble.

"Canada." He looked down at her hands, which were playing with the fabric.

"What were you doing?" Softly, she swallowed back her tears. Logan, being a man, took no notice of this.

"I honestly couldn't tell you, sometimes I was running, others I was passing out from exhaustion, and then sometimes I was just wallowing in my own guilt and suffering." He could feel her eyes on him; he wished he could give her a better answer then that which he had just presented. She looked down, choking on her next words.

"I missed you." Now he realized she was about to cry and pulled her towards him.

"I missed you too." He held her for a bit, "I'm sorry kid, I just, god I, I jus' got a little overwhelmed." She nodded.

"You know, we were hurting too…" He squeezed her a bit.

"I know that now, but at the time, I didn't think about any one but myself, it was all me, you know how I am…" She looked up and smiled a little before nodding.

"Glad to have to you back Logan." She smiled weakly, "I think I smell the beginnings of breakfast in the kitchen, are you gonna join?" She stared hopefully in his direction. He sighed and nodded, apprehensively making his way towards the kitchen.

The moment he stepped into the kitchen every bit of noise that had been present previously had vanished, leaving an awkward silence to follow. He thought that they would have seen him on the couch, but judging by their reactions, they didn't. Logan sat down and looked at everyone.

"Look, I'm sorry I left, I know it was wrong, I understand that you all had similar pain to deal with, and I was being selfish by leaving like that. I also realize that I was being a complete asshole by not calling or giving you all some sort of contact with me, just to even let you know I'm okay. I've already had the talk from 'Mom' over there." Nobody laughed, he thought he was being funny, but apparently in the current situation, it was not funny.

"Since we're using the parent analogy, where was our father-figure all this time?" Bobby gave a sarcastic look. _Boy, when did he become a smart-ass?_

"Well, I've never really thought of myself as a father figure bu-"

"Never mind." Bobby looked back down at his plate and continued eating, as did everyone else. The atmosphere was still quite awkward, and he decided that it would probably be best to leave the room after he ate, maybe go and meditate in the garden or something. _Maybe go and pay some respects to the gravestones. _

After some mental debate, he decided he wasn't really ready for the gravestones yet and he would be meditating in the garden after eating.

Logan stuck to his plan and moved to the garden after his breakfast. Sitting down in a little bit of a corner, where there was the most shade, he crossed his legs and relaxed. He let his senses run wild; he could hear the animals, mostly birds, in the trees behind him. He could feel the coolness of the trees' shadows. He could practically taste the oils of the plants in the air. He could smell the flowers and plants around him. He could also smell something different, what was that… Fire?

Fire? Why was he smelling fire, he quickly moved towards the smell, _the graveyard?_ He reached the graveyard before everyone else, although they arrived soon after. It was the weirdest thing they had ever seen. There was a burning pit of fire around the grave area; it was as if the depths of hell had just opened up in their place of mourning. All of a sudden the fire ceased, Logan and Ororo quickly moved to the site. Astonished, they both stared in silent awe.

"From ashes…" Ororo muttered.


	3. From Ashes They Rise

"From ashes…" Ororo muttered.

Logan could not believe his eyes; he was currently staring at a very naked, very unconscious Jean. He took off jacket and wrapped it around her; he then picked her up and took off at a small, but desperate run towards the lab.

Once he got into the lab he put Jean down gently on the table in the middle of the room, covering her with a blanket, which did a much better job than his shirt had. Logan fumbled around with multiple things in the lab talking to himself. "I was never the doctor, what the hell does this do?" Staring at one of the many machines in the room, just as Ororo arrived.

"Logan you don't know what you're doing here, Hank will be here shortly, he at least knows a little about medicine, or so he said…" Logan growled at her, he had lost Jean once, there was no way he was loosing her again. Just as that though passed through his mind Mr. McCoy burst through the door. As soon as he had reached Jean he was already putting IVs in her arms and taking her pulse. Logan paced impatiently on the other side of the room, while Storm sat on the other contemplating what her return meant. _What if it's still Phoenix? _She thought, _what do I mean what if? It is definitely still Phoenix, not Jean, not the woman she had grown to love as her sister, but the monster who had killed countless people and mutants at Alcatraz. _She looked up feeling eyes burning on her, but when she glanced up no one was watching her, confused she looked at the floor once again before sagging against a wall and sliding down to the floor.

Ororo only looked up when she heard Logan cross the room, she thought about following him but decided soon after that there was no point, she knew where he was going, and he would not want to talk to her, or anyone for that matter.

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Logan walked down the hall towards the Danger Room; this was the only way to deal with his feelings, total concentration on something else. He set the room up, and walked inside. He found himself on a volcanic island, he appeared to be alone. _This is weird, why am I alone?_ Just then he was shot in the arm with several arrows. Grunting he pulled them out and looked behind him. There was now an entire island tribe chasing after him, but these islanders seemed to be different. They had great big red balls for eyes and their skin shone like metal. Logan ran into the middle of them, in fact Logan had long since disappeared. Wolverine crashed through the crowd of islanders and ripped each and every one to shreds, grinning at the sound of clashing metal, they were probably made of steel, which was no match for his adamantium. He now stood amongst a sea of chords and sparks. _Maybe I should have set the level higher, these bots weren't that satisfying._ He turned around when a large thudding noise was coming from the ocean.

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Ororo glanced up at Hank, who had just reached for Jeans skin, but pulled his hand away quickly. Ororo, confused, got up and walked towards the table.

"What's wrong?" Hank looked at her and shook his head.

"Her skin is burning up, like it's on fire. I don't get why."

"Maybe it's the phoenix inside her."

"Perhaps, but I've never heard of a fever this high, it would kill an ordinary human."

"Yes, well I think we all know she is no ordinary human Hank."

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Logan looked towards the sea, it appeared he had spoken to soon, and as he turned he found a machine, much like a ball with legs on the shoreline. _That's not too bad._ Logan began to run at the contraption when a door opened on top, Sabretooth, or a clone of him, climbed out of the sphere. _I see, this is what is supposed to make it difficult._

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Ororo stared in horror at a violently shaking Jean. This state only lasted for a few seconds, but none the less, it was still very concerning. "What happened?"

"It appears that all of this trauma is taking a toll on her brain and nervous system." Hank looked down at her, feeling her forehead, "she's not burning anymore, perhaps this is a turning point." Ororo brushed her hand across Jean's forehead, he was right, her skin was normal temperature now, _perhaps Jean is fighting Phoenix._ She sighed; they could only hope she was.

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Logan felt himself slipping away as he allowed Wolverine to take over, something he had become accustomed to in the past few months. He ducked as Sabretooth swung lazily at him, and buried his claws deep in his chest; he was then promptly batted out to what would be left field if he were a baseball. Wolverine quickly recovered and prepared himself for another oncoming attack, which was easily avoided with his speed and instinct. This time he plunged his claws into Sabretooth's back and twisted, it was clearly not going to be enough as sabretooth grabbed over his shoulder and threw Wolverine a good 50 feet. _Alright I've had enough of this._ Wolverine ran towards sabretooth claws bared with a feral grin. He lunged at the animal and implanted his claws into his chest, swung himself over sabretooth and stabbed him in the back; he then sliced through the tendons at the back of the knees and ankles. Sabretooth fell to the ground defeated. "Finally, simulation over!" He sighed as the square tiles of the room returned once more; he left the room breathing roughly. Out in the hallway he found Ororo.

"She was having seizures." Ororo looked at him cautiously.

"Seizures huh? What next?" Logan shook his head, he was having a bit of a problem pushing down and successfully caging Wolverine. Ororo became angry and opened her mouth to speak but Logan raised a hand to stop her. "Sorry, my beast is being a little bothersome." Ororo raised her eyebrows a little and spoke.

"Yes, seizures, she's been having them about every half hour." She crossed her arms on her chest and slid down the wall to the floor, where she found herself sitting a lot lately.

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_Ororo closed the door behind her and fell to the floor, silently weeping. He had been gone for so long; it had been so hard for her. How can she forgive him? He had run away from his pain and suffering, but most of all, he neglected his responsibility, not even saying goodbye, or offering a small explanation. Rogue had once left for a week trying to find him, under the false pretense of 'visiting relatives.' The other students eventually gave her away, by accident of course, not realizing that she had entered the room shortly after they had started discussing it. Ororo had had to find her and bring her home herself, she had to do everything herself. Teach, watch over the students, of course she had minor help from Kurt and Hank, but nothing substantial that even came close to relieving some of the pressure put on her shoulders. There was nothing he could do to earn her forgiveness, not after what he did, not after he killed Jean._

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"For a while her skin was burning, almost like it was on fire, or at least close to it. Hank said her fever would have killed any normal human being." Logan ran his hands down his face and looked at the ceiling. "I know you're scared Logan." His eyes darted towards her.

"I am not."

"Yes you are I can see it in your eyes."

"So what if I am a little scared? I lost her once! What do you think it would be like for me to have to loose her again? I just can't, I can't lose her."

"We all lost her too." Logan glared at her.

"You never had to kill her." Ororo looked down and nodded as tears fell to the floor.

"I know, because you did it…" Logan leant a little closer in a threatening way.

"Are you blaming me for it?"

"Well, you did kill her." Logan couldn't believe his ears; he thought Storm was a little more intelligent and understanding than this.

"Yes I did, because she asked me to, do you have any idea what it's like to have some one that you love ask you to kill them? No I don't think you do." Ororo looked up speechless. "I suggest next time you decide to pass judgment on people, maybe you should get all the facts." Logan turned to leave, but noticed small rocks and dust particles on the floor were vibrating and floating in mid air, he turned around and looked at Ororo, who quickly got up and ran to the lab, followed closely by Logan.

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Hank was trying to prevent any of the flying objects from damaging himself or the expensive machinery attached to Jean. He was grabbing a few books as Ororo and Logan burst through the door. Jean was thrashing around viciously, Logan grabbed her and as quickly as he could and laid her down on the floor, _she can't fall from the floor._ Items were flying around the room in every which direction, it was impossible to catch them all, and even when you did catch one, you had to put it down to get another one, when you turned around the first one you grabbed was gone.

"I don't think grabbing everything is helping!" Logan yelled across the room to Hank.

"I know, but letting them fly around could cause damage to ourselves and Jean."

"Perhaps we could take the ones we catch out of this room?" Ororo suggested. And just as she did Jean opened her eyes and the books fell to the floor.

"Jean?" Logan asked. He walked over to her and looked into her eyes. He knew right then that they had their work cut out for them, he could visibly see Jean and Phoenix fighting for power, her pupils dilating to complete blackness, then recessing to pin points.

"Logan?" He cringed a little as he heard his name.

"Come on Jean you can fight her, you're stronger than she is."

"Tsk tsk honey, she is not stronger than me, I will return, and I will finish the job I started at Alcatraz!" Jeans body was convulsing lightly now.

"Jean? Can you hear me?"

"I'm trying, I'm not strong enough…"

"Yes you are Jean come on look at me, you can do this. Cage your beast." Logan watched as her pupils became normal size again and her body stopped shaking. "See? You did it."

"She'll be back, I can't hold her in, and she'll come back." Jean's eyes began to well up with tears, Logan held her close.

"Well then we'll just have to deal with her when she shows up now won't we?"


End file.
